He is developing so much and I'm often finding myself reflecting that I haven't recorded some of his milestones because the gaps between them are narrowing and I'm just so busy living life with him.
I am grateful in many ways though that life is getting busier for us. You may think I'm crazy but the slow pace of life as a stay at home mother to one really well behaved baby has been hard for me. Our days were filled with the typical eat, play sleep routines and the occasional outing to do groceries or visit someone but I was finding myself feeling extremely bored and unfulfilled on an intellectual level. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE spending time with Will. It is impossible not to be happy around such a joyful soul but there was still a gap left in me. I was talking to a friend about it the other day and she said some women will just always feel a little lacking and it's ok to admit that being a stay at home mum isn't the utmost fulfilling role in the world. It's not going to come naturally for all of us.
I think a lot of us put pressure on ourselves to become this amazing mother and home-maker. I thought that when I had a baby I would just accept this new role and love it and that it would be my absolute purpose. While I still accept and believe deeply that it is my divine role to be a mother and nurturer I realise it's not selfish or ungrateful for me to feel the way that I do sometimes.
I think if we'd stayed in Adelaide or were in Tasmania my experience as a new mum may have been a different story. Having no immediate family members and limited established friendships in Melbourne has been so hard for me. I was too stubborn to join a mothers group and when I realised I needed that support I was too prideful and embarrassed to join one because I'd let so much time go by (Will was 8 months by then). I was worried about joining an established group and felt I'd be on the outer. So if any of you future mothers are reading this...please at least give a mothers group a go. I really think it could have been a great support to me. Problem with me is that I over-analyse everything and often talk myself out of doing new things.
This isn't meant to sound negative, I'm actually in a really good place mentally and physically and my spirituality is increasing too. I'm recognising the many experiences of the last 11 months and seeing the learning opportunities I've had because of them. Things that I wanted before I had Will I realise I don't want anymore (i.e. A fast-paced life of travel with a young family due to Pete's job). If opportunities to live overseas arise we'll definitely consider them but knowing how much I have needed my family and friends over this year I can't imagine the last 11 months in a remote or overseas location. It would have been so much harder...
I am so grateful for a couple of special people over here who have helped keep me grounded. They probably don't even realise how much of a rock they've been to me. Just being able to talk to another young mum who has often felt the anxiety and loneliness I've felt and being able to enjoy spending time together with our boys has been a great blessing for me.
As you can tell I'm going through a serious time of contemplation and reflection and Pete and I have a few important decisions to make over the next few months about the direction our family needs to move in. I feel equipped to make good decisions though and am feeling less anxious about the future. I still want to plan 1 - 2 years ahead and probably always will but I'm gradually learning to not stress myself silly if I don't know the specific details. Fellow control freaks will understand what I'm saying. I know there's a few of you who read this blog ;-)
Now back to that gorgeous boy of mine - I mean Will in this case ;-)
Will is a great sleeper. He has 2 naps a day and sleeps 12 hours or just under overnight. He loves sleeping on his tummy. I love that when I lie him on his back in his cot at night all snuggled up in his sleeping bag he make a grunting noise and rolls straight onto his tummy and falls asleep - sometimes before I've even left the room.
He LOVES the water. He and his friend Bastian have been doing swim lessons for a while now and they're getting so clever. Will no longer just floats along. He'll actually kick his legs and start responding appropriately with the actions we do to the songs we sing. I'm hoping we get some summer weather over Christmas in Tassie so we can go for lots of swims.
Notice the tongue out - it helps you concentrate you know!!
Will is a hungry boy and is loving his food. His favourites are: Cherries, Mandarins, Sultanas, Broccolli and Cheese. He still loves vegemite sangas or toast as well. He eats pretty much everything I give him. I try to make a couple of things with fish each week for him and he particularly loves the salmon pasta I make. He drinks heaps of water but he actually prefers drinking out of my water bottle or cup.
Grandma was naughty when she visited and introduced Will to ice-cream. Magnum temptations nonetheless!!
Oh no - mum discovered us! It was all Grandma's idea mum!!
I like eating it off the stick!
Gotta get every last bit!
Yay for ice-cream!
What, no more?!
Joining a gym has been one the best things for me. I feel more energised and more positive about my body and I've just enjoyed having something to look forward to. It's become my 'hobby' I guess. It hasn't been without challenges. The hardest one was getting Will to not scream the whole time he was in the creche. I would drop him at the creche and he would basically scream non-stop until I picked him up after 20-30 mins. Sometimes it was so bad one of the girls would come upstairs to get me. Surprisingly I was still able to enjoy my time at the gym, albeit limited time. I continued to take him about twice a week hoping he would get used to it. Finally we had a breakthrough. I don't know if I can put it down to one thing but it all just came together and he had a positive experience. My mum and dad were staying with us and I asked mum to come to the gym with Will and I, drop him into the creche and wait outside if they needed to bring Will out. Well, turns out he was the only one there that day (not a day I'd normally go) and he was smiling and interacting with the girls and even playing with the toys. The girls told me after they were a little freaked out. Was this the same baby?? I joked with the girls previously about imagining that when they look at the list of kids for the session they must cringe when they see Will's name...they said they did :-) I think a combination of having my mum and dad over who looked after him a lot without me around and having the creche all to himself was critical in the improvement. I now take him on days when it's the quietest - even though it means I can't attend a class. I think he may have been overwhelmed with all the children in the past. He still grizzles a bit but only for a few moments when I drop him off. It's so nice to pick him up smiling - not sobbing and with a red blotchy face from crying so hard!
I don't have any gym photos to insert here!!
I'm going to leave it there for now otherwise this is going to get way too long.
We're off to Tassie for Christmas and are excited to have William to celebrate with.
The smallest represented "biological," the next "emotional" and the biggest "spiritual." He said it's easy to just look at the biological and often prescribe anti-depressants but the other areas are where we need to look first. I completely agreed with him. He then spoke about how the spiritual can represent one's faith, whether they're religious or not. It could simply be about one's culture or values. When this area is lacking it directly influences our happiness. I was so impressed with his holistic approach to my concerns and Pete and I got the impression he has some sort of faith that keeps him grounded also. I am the first to admit that my spirituality has been low for some time but when I was talking to the doctor it really hit home that concentrating on improving this aspect of my life will make everything else better. Duh! I know this! When I'm in a spiritual funk I know I need to work harder at reading my scriptures and saying my prayers so why have I let it get so bad!? Anyway, this is getting a little personal so I'll just summarise by saying that I know what I need to do to get myself back on track. I can't necessarily control the sleep problem to the extent I would like but I can turn to my Heavenly Father and do what he pleads with all of us to do