A letter to my Dad

Dear Dad, a.k.a Dezza, a.k.a Homer ;-)

You have occupied my thoughts so much this past week. As I carefully selected Father's Day cards for Pete and his dad I read so many beautiful verses that reminded me of you. I know how much you loved a card with a heartfelt verse. Even if there was no present for you, you'd always be happy with a lovely card. I almost bought you one but I chose to just write you this letter instead. I have no idea how much you can see and experience of earth life being where you are. I often wonder if you are looking down on us and hope you are happy with what you see. 

I have a favourite photo of you that I put on the mantle in the kitchen. It looks like you're looking right at me and your soft smile warms my heart. Seeing your picture has given me the strength to overcome my anger at times and I pretend that you're actually able to see me and it influences me for good. Life has been so crappy until recently. One of the things that helped me to keep going was knowing that you would be cheering me on from Heaven and sending love down to me. I haven't felt your presence as such, but I definitely draw strength from the legacy you have given me. Though I am quite sure that when I was talking to Henry the other day, I could have sworn he looked at me with your eyes. Such a special and rare moment. 

Simeon says he feels you around and you should see how much he has grown. He has really taken over your role as the Father figure in our family. He does like to give lots of advice which is amusing...considering how much he used to hate you giving it to him. Reuben has been great too - cooking for mum, doing stuff around the house for her. The boys would make you very proud. I am proud of them and feel closer to them than I ever have. 

Mum is hanging in there. She has her bad days but is keeping really busy. She is so strong. I don't know how she does it! She just got a gorgeous little puppy. A little companion to attack her with love every day will be brilliant!

I am a bit nervous about Father's Day tomorrow. I am hoping I can keep it together at church as I have a lesson to teach in Young Women's and don't want to be a mess. I have been doing quite well the past few weeks though. I feel more like myself than I have since you passed away. I'm finally feeling more positive and learning to recognise emotions and thoughts and altering associated behaviour. I'm talking to someone and sorting through the multitude of feelings that threatened to consume me. It's really helping! Every time I learn something in these sessions I just wish that I could chat to you about it. You would find so much of it really interesting. I miss our conversations on philosophy, religion and just everything. You were my sounding board for so many ideas and concerns...even though I have Pete, he doesn't have your wisdom...not yet at least :-)

I feel very confident that you are happy and free from pain. I know that you are doing important work on the other side of the veil and feel that you are blessing our family immeasurably. I hope I can live in a way to be deserving of all that I have, for I have been so abundantly blessed. 

With tomorrow being Father's Day my thoughts will be focused on you through much of the day. I don't want to be a mess thinking about you. I hope I can think of you and spend the day with a goofy smile on my face as I remember so many happy memories. I have no idea what you're up to tomorrow but I hope you think of us and know how much we love, miss and cherish you. 

Happy Father's Day Dad.

Love, Missy xx