A letter to my Dad

Dear Dad, a.k.a Dezza, a.k.a Homer ;-)

You have occupied my thoughts so much this past week. As I carefully selected Father's Day cards for Pete and his dad I read so many beautiful verses that reminded me of you. I know how much you loved a card with a heartfelt verse. Even if there was no present for you, you'd always be happy with a lovely card. I almost bought you one but I chose to just write you this letter instead. I have no idea how much you can see and experience of earth life being where you are. I often wonder if you are looking down on us and hope you are happy with what you see. 

I have a favourite photo of you that I put on the mantle in the kitchen. It looks like you're looking right at me and your soft smile warms my heart. Seeing your picture has given me the strength to overcome my anger at times and I pretend that you're actually able to see me and it influences me for good. Life has been so crappy until recently. One of the things that helped me to keep going was knowing that you would be cheering me on from Heaven and sending love down to me. I haven't felt your presence as such, but I definitely draw strength from the legacy you have given me. Though I am quite sure that when I was talking to Henry the other day, I could have sworn he looked at me with your eyes. Such a special and rare moment. 

Simeon says he feels you around and you should see how much he has grown. He has really taken over your role as the Father figure in our family. He does like to give lots of advice which is amusing...considering how much he used to hate you giving it to him. Reuben has been great too - cooking for mum, doing stuff around the house for her. The boys would make you very proud. I am proud of them and feel closer to them than I ever have. 

Mum is hanging in there. She has her bad days but is keeping really busy. She is so strong. I don't know how she does it! She just got a gorgeous little puppy. A little companion to attack her with love every day will be brilliant!

I am a bit nervous about Father's Day tomorrow. I am hoping I can keep it together at church as I have a lesson to teach in Young Women's and don't want to be a mess. I have been doing quite well the past few weeks though. I feel more like myself than I have since you passed away. I'm finally feeling more positive and learning to recognise emotions and thoughts and altering associated behaviour. I'm talking to someone and sorting through the multitude of feelings that threatened to consume me. It's really helping! Every time I learn something in these sessions I just wish that I could chat to you about it. You would find so much of it really interesting. I miss our conversations on philosophy, religion and just everything. You were my sounding board for so many ideas and concerns...even though I have Pete, he doesn't have your wisdom...not yet at least :-)

I feel very confident that you are happy and free from pain. I know that you are doing important work on the other side of the veil and feel that you are blessing our family immeasurably. I hope I can live in a way to be deserving of all that I have, for I have been so abundantly blessed. 

With tomorrow being Father's Day my thoughts will be focused on you through much of the day. I don't want to be a mess thinking about you. I hope I can think of you and spend the day with a goofy smile on my face as I remember so many happy memories. I have no idea what you're up to tomorrow but I hope you think of us and know how much we love, miss and cherish you. 

Happy Father's Day Dad.

Love, Missy xx

What a year

I've reached the point where I think it's almost impossible to catch up with all that's been happening over the past 5-6 months. Being completely honest, this year has been pretty awful. We've had a few amazing things happen...and if it weren't for that I think I would still be in the dark place I've been in recently. 

I just don't have the energy to go into details other than I've felt very down and lacking energy. Lots of stress and anxiety was brought on by grief and exhaustion. I am very happy to say that I am feeling a lot better now that Henry is sleeping through the night and I'm getting the amount I've exercise I've craved...and having the support of a very amazing husband I feel more positive than I have in months. 

So some of the things that have happened since Dad passed away in Febuary; Pete was head hunted for a job with Vision Stream and landed a great position in Adelaide. The pay rise and change of State meant we could buy our first home. It all fell into place so quickly and I feel like Dad had a hand in it all :-) 

It's really exciting to be in our very own place and we are loving the space, location and so many things. Will calls it our 'Yellow house' as it has a yellow front door and the front gate is also yellow. He still gets a bit confused that we are now living in Adelaide but he is enjoying life. I do feel a bit sad though as he misses his many gorgeous little mates in Melbourne. 

Henry is sleeping well and is getting around like a champ. He is a super quick crawler and at 11 months is starting to climb and is a little more adventurous than I'd like at times. He is still a velcro baby. He loves his mummy - though his first word was 'Dad' :-( 

He is saying 'Dad' and 'Mum' now and is understanding a lot more. He learnt to point, clap , wave and stand all in the same week when he was 10 months old. He has 4 teeth with another 2 that have appeared in the last fortnight. They have cut but haven't moved all the way down yet. 

Will is enjoying doing a morning of occasional care once a week and I am loving a bit of quiet for a few hours each week. 

I will do a more detailed post at some stage about the house as it's something I want to keep a record of. 

My mum visited a few weeks after our move and got the boys the biggest Trampoline available. Good thing we have a big yard!

 Will has enjoyed spending time with his cousins. It is great being so close to family!

Henry got to meet his Great Grandma Watt for the first time. We need to see her again!

 We were lucky to meet Great Aunty Morag too. 

Pete had never met his Aunty until this year! We all LOVED her!

 This is what my monitor looked like for many months! Night time shenanigans. So glad to say that I don't have this view anymore!

The previous owners of our house subdivided the block (it was huge). Someone is now building next door and we have a great relationship with the builders. Will even got to drive the digger!

 Now that the weather is finally getting better we will do more trips to the Adelaide Zoo

We love hanging out with Toby and Collette. So glad I have such a great friend so close by!

We are also loving out local library at Woodcroft. Will enjoyed a free kid's concert - The amazing Drumming Monkeys back in July! This is his smile for the camera these days!

A cute one of Will in our kitchen. It's one of the few things I am not so keen on in our place. I am used to an open plan kitchen and more bench space! It is still functional though and we LOVE the oven so that's always a plus :-)

 Just a cute one of Henry showing off his new skills!

We finally got another family photo.